


Are We Not Men? No? I guess not then

by Kimra



Category: IT Crowd
Genre: Episode Style, Gen, unlikely group has to steal the decleration of independence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 09:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20307550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimra/pseuds/Kimra
Summary: The IT Crowd fly to Washington. Really it's just a normal day for them.





	Are We Not Men? No? I guess not then

**Author's Note:**

  * For [firstlovelatespring](https://archiveofourown.org/users/firstlovelatespring/gifts).

Three’s a conference in Washington and Jen’s so excited about international travel that she convinced Douglas to send her, he sends the entire team because “Team Building, Stephanie!”

Moss sits like a concerned Meerkat in his seat watching everyone on the plane. Jen leans back in her chair with a facemask on and warns, “Stop doing that. They’ll think you’re a terrorist.”

“Well how else am I supposed to look, Jen?” He begs to question, “We are about to embark on a journey of unknown discovery in a small metal tube that barely obeys the laws of physics. One can’t help but be excited.”

Jen groans and rolls her back to him so she can pretend they don’t know each other.

“Wait a minute, Moss.” Roy sounds panicked. Jen doesn’t care. “You have been on a plane before, haven’t you?” Jen freezes up in anticipation of the answer.

“Of course I have. What do you take me for, Roy?” Moss scoffs. There’s a beat and then he adds, “They’ve just never been flying. Exactly.”

“What exactly does that mean?” Roy demands, his voice rising in pitch.

The plane takes off.

Moss doesn’t stop screaming until the stewardess tranquilises him.

The conference is, relatively, uneventful and Moss manages to either impress or bore several hundred people when he accidently gets mistaken for a prominent inventor of a webpage he’s never heard of before. Roy adds helpful notes tucked into the podium where the crowd can’t see, right until the moment Moss accidently knocks the podium over and it somehow, Jen who is watching the incident holding a pink cocktail with a piece of pineapple on a stick could not say how, pulls his pants down in the process.

The entire crowd takes photos, and Jen tries to damage control and explain that it’s not what it looks like and that they’re just idiots who work in IT for Reynholm Industries. The soundbite makes it to the news, but she’s hoping if she doesn’t ever think about it again Douglas will never learn about the incident.

It’s not until they’re in a coffee shop after two days of dodging security, starting fights over the quality of microchip companies, and Roy accidently kicking a woman in a wheelchair in the face that things go a bit crazy.

Jen wants to reassess her life, Roy misses his home computer, but Moss - Moss has other ideas.

“We have to steal the Declaration of Independence.” He tells them, sitting prim and proper, his coffee spoon aligned next to his plastic cup like he’s at an upper-class establishment and not Starbucks.

Jen groans, Roy seems to be trying to process the statement, and Richmond sitting pushed out from the table looks grave and wishes them good luck before walking out the door. They watch him as he meets a tall dark-haired woman who has never seen sunlight and they both walk off together.

“Did-” Roy begins, “was he here all along?” He asks.

Jen shakes her head ‘no’ and says, “I don’t think he was even on the plane.”

Moss doesn’t comment because he’s got more pressing issues, “The Declaration of Independence is in that building.” He points to the building. It looks very old, pillars. Looks like most of Washington if you were ask Jen but she assumes he’s right because of course.

She does a little tittering laugh, “We are not stealing the Declaration of Independence.” She tells him.

“But we need-”

“No, Moss.” Roy orders firmly.

“If you impatient nilly-nannys would let me speak you would see it all makes perfect sense.”

Jen’s never run so fast in her entire life, she’s in heels and faster than the rest of her team, Roy and Moss lagging behind, but they aren’t holding the Declaration of Independence so they don’t need to outrun the national guard chasing them down the National Mall.

There are real life guns pointed at Jen as she stands in the water of the pool of reflections a death grip on the national treasure.

“Put it down!” One of the guards is shouting, and she looks down to her knees deep in water and at the flimsy piece of paper.

“I don’t- where?” She asks plaintively. But they keep shouting, their guns out, and Moss and Roy are nowhere to be see, and she does not want to die.

She lets it fall.

“And that-” Moss tells the board of Reynholm Industries, “-is how we saved the Declaration of Independence and survived.”

Jen’s too busy enjoying being the centre of attention from all the powerful people in the room to say anything, flustered and happy at the potential for promotion.

Roy spills his wine down his shirt when someone asks him a question, Moss preens and retells the story as often as anyone will listen, and Jen wonders how anyone of them is still alive after all this time.

“Well done, Janine.” Douglas claps her on the back.

“Jen.” She corrects.

“That’s what I said.” He agrees, then sweeps his hand around the office. “We’ve never heard such entertaining stories out of a conference. Usually it’s just who slept with who, but your team, your team tops the cake. I’ve never been more proud so I had my secretary leave a gift for you on your desk.” He calls out to another board member and goes to great them.

Jen takes a sip of her wine, proud.

They get back to their office and Roy hugs his computer. Moss, excitedly jumps up and down three times to get his pent in excitement out and Jen heads straight for his desk. There’s a white envelope on it with Reynholm's crest on the front.

“What’s that, Jen?” Moss asks now that he’s settled. She holds it up to them both excitedly.

“Douglas gave us a gift!” She ducks and grins, excited.

“Oh! A gift! Let’s open it!” Moss goes to take it but she pulls it out of his reach.

“Ah! I’m the head of this department, thank you. I’ll be opening the gift.” There’s extra emphasis on ‘I’ll’ because she feels very important right now.

“Yeah, Moss. Let her open the present.” Roy says, face still pressed into his computer breathing it in.

Jen cracks the envelope and looks inside. There’s two pieces of paper which she draws out quickly and flips to read what they say.

“Well?” Moss demands on the balls of his feet.

“It’s two half price move tickets at the cinema.” She feels dead inside. She doesn’t even complain when Moss snatches one away for himself, or when Roy sneaks up and takes the other from her frozen hand.

This is her life, she supposes. She shouldn’t have expected anything else.


End file.
